Having been on the pill for 12 years and trying all my life not to get pregnant, Ian and I assumed it would happen straight away – how wrong we were, we even delayed coming off the pill so we could have one last long haul holiday to the far east! After the first year of trying none of the doctors at my local surgery would even look at me for the first 18 months apart from a blood test at day 21 to see if I was ovulating, let alone acknowledge there may be a problem because I had been on the pill for so long, they just kept saying that it takes a while to get out of your system, so my husband went and had a sperm test, we both went back for the results all hopeful and were told that he had a low sperm count and would never father a child, the doctor said ivf was a no go and that our only option was to consider a donor that will look like Ian.
We drove home in silence and once in the front door we both broke down, ian went straight upstairs and cried into a pillow. All anyone said over the next few days was “It doesn’t make you any less of a man” but them just saying that made him feel it even more. I completely refused to believe it so went to the surgery and picked up our test results and booked an appointment with a private GP taking our results with us – Thank God we got that second opinion. Dr Peck at Springfield Hospital is such a fantastic person as well as her profession, she looked at the test results and her words were “that’s absolute bollocks there is nothing wrong with his sperm, it only takes one” we could breathe again. We were then referred to Dr Onwude, one of the countries leading gynaecologists who booked me straight in for a laparoscopy and started me on chlomid – new hope, take the tablets on days 2,3,4,5 and 6 don’t have sex on days 10 or 11 but do it on days 12, 13 and 14 “but don’t count the days – just relax” so watching the days, marking it on the calendar the don’t days and the do days, was terrible if the 3 days fell on a mon tues & weds, nodding off on the sofa all we wanted to do was go to sleep but if we didn’t do it tonight then we might miss the chance and its another month gone so after putting legs up against the wall for 20 mins after its off to sleep with a pillow under my hips to give ourselves the best chance. After 5 months of chlomid still nothing it got to the stage where I was in tears every month when I came on, everyone says just forget about it and relax and it will happen, how can you forget when people around you are falling pregnant without even trying, looking at you and saying don’t worry it will happen for you – what the hell do they know! I don’t care what anyone says, it does take over your life to a certain extent, every holiday you book in advance you think can we go there what about malaria tablets, some airlines wont let you fly…….
Dr Onwude then put us in touch with Tamsin at IVF Support Services after thinking about it for about a day we got the wheels in motion, how long do we wait, we’d known for a while that we would probably have to take that route we could be sitting here this time next year wondering if we would have a baby or even be pregnant. So we started our course of treatment, the schedule was amazing, blood tests, ultra sounds etc but first synarel a nasal spray the side effect of which are like going through the menopause, the only side effects I had were the hot flushes (though Ian may disagree with the mood side). We then had 10 days of injections which got Ian involved as he did them for me, up until now all the focus has been on me. Nearing the end of our schedule the time finally came for us to go to Sweden.
We stayed in a beautiful log cabin right on the river. 8.00 the next morning we had to be at the hospital for the egg collection, there were 2 other couples on the ward and it was so comforting to see that we really were not alone. The staff were fantastic and explained everything clearly and in perfect English. My main concern was how intimidating it might be with your legs up in the air (which is bad enough anyway) and everyone talking in a foreign language around you but Maria, the nurse and Stephan the Professor, were fantastic and more than respectful. The egg removal itself was quite uncomfortable but because it only lasts 5 – 10 minutes it is more than bearable, Partners are more than encouraged to come in with you so it was great that Ian was there holding my hand! We had 10 eggs fertilised by ICSI as they didn’t want to risk IVF as we had come such a long way.
This Ian’s version of his ‘input’ at the hospital; We arrived at the hospital at 8.00 in the morning and were greeted by a lovely lady called Maria who sat us down and explained the mornings proceedings which included as much breakfast for the men as they liked, the egg collection and glazed over my part, with that Clare was shown to her bed and had to change into a sexy gown and stunning stockings and I was quickly whisked away and shown into a room and given some paper work requesting names and dates of birth for both of us and the pot I was about to get intimate with. As I walked into the room a thousand thoughts were going through my head including thinking of all the other couples that were here before us and the fact that it happens to people all over the world not just us beer bellied British men! I then walked around the room and almost seemed to be putting off something that had been pleasurable since the age of 14. After the act was completed I put my sample with the paperwork in the cupboard next door and pressed the buzzer to alert the lab that it was there and ready to be used. I Went back to see Clare and had breakfast and waited for the egg collection to begin. While we were waiting I suddenly started getting paranoid about my sperm – what if they weren’t swimming at the moment or just plain abnormal, but we soon got confirmation from Maria that my guys were ok! Clare and I went into a room adjoining the lab for the egg removal, I sat there in amazement watching the screen and holding Clare’s hand while the eggs were removed. We were then shown back to Clare’s bed where we just had to wait, for what seemed like days for news on how many if any we had fertilised. After Maria came back with the news of 10 fertilised eggs we left the hospital happy that we may finally be getting somewhere………heres to hoping!
The next few days were very strange, we went out and about every day to bear parks and nature reserves and the copper museum, generally trying to make it a bit of a holiday as well, but in the back of our minds was the fact that we had 10 fertilised eggs so we were nearly there? By the time we went back to have the eggs re implanted we had 4 left so we requested having 2 put in. the re-implantation was amazing it took less than 5 minutes it felt similar to, but was less painful than a smear. After saying our goodbyes to Stephan and Maria which was very emotional because these people really do care, they gave us a hug and wished us good luck your not just a number there. So we left Sweden the next day with new hope again and with my cheeks clenched determined not to let our eggs go. Now for the longest 12 days of our lives after everything we’ve been through the last few years we were soon to know one way or another if we would finally be parents. Going through the motions, has it worked or hasn’t it worked wishing the days away. I felt every little twinge in my body that I probably wouldn’t have normally but what is normal now having been on hormones for so long. Everyone kept telling us to stay positive but is that such a good thing as it’s a harder come down if it doesn’t work and weve had our hopes up so many times in the past. After many sleepless nights I did the test 2 days early, I waited until Ian had gone to work as I didn’t want to ruin his day if it was negative but to my absolute amazement it was positive – I then called Ian back from work who drove home in a worried panic, showed him the test and we both stood in the kitchen crying. After we pulled ourselves together I sent Tamsin & Dr Onwude a text (as it was 6.15 in the morning) to let them know it was positive and within ½ hour they were both on the phone passing on their congratulations. Our baby is due on 22nd May 2008. If the treatment hadn’t worked for us this time we would have given it another go just to make sure and with the support of Tamsin and Dr Onwude who were at the end of the telephone 24 hours a day to answer stupid questions or even just listen that made it all the more easy and we also know that we have made friends for life.
CLAIRE AND IAN UPDATE - 6TH NOVEMBER 2007
We have since had a scan at 6 weeks and 3 days and wait for it – we are having triplets, identical twins and a singleton. One of the eggs split once it was re-implanted which is a chance in a million – it just shows you how nature always has a way of kicking in. We are so pleased, at times, we wondered if we would ever have one baby and now we have our instant family we just could not have wished for a better ending – I know we have a long way to go yet but even just being pregnant we are living our dream!
On 13th October 2007 we had another scan and the twins hearts have stopped beating, one at 7 weeks and 4 days, the other at 8 weeks 3 days (size wise) Apparently it was something called early twin to twin transfusion where, because there is only one placenta, one takes more than the other, the weakest can’t survive, and one can’t survive without the other. We are both really upset, even though it would have been a real challenge with three we were just getting used to the idea. But on the up side we are still pregnant and there are more pro’s than con’s and also rather now than later – it all could have been so much worse.
On 27th October 2007 we had yet another scan – after what seems to have again been the longest 2 weeks of our lives. I had almost convinced myself that this one had died as well, because I didn’t have any pains or bleeding when we lost the twins I just kept thinking well whats to say this one hasn’t gone as well. We were so relieved when the ultrasonagrapher said the heart is beating and all is looking well.
We have a long way to go yet, we are 12 weeks pregnant now and hopefully have passed the ‘danger stage’ but that wont stop us being paranoid though until we hold this baby in our arms.
Even if anything should happen now and the ups and downs we have had along the way we would go through it all again at the click of a finger.
UPDATED 31st JAN 08
Still don’t feel any different which has made it all the more difficult when it comes to a glass of wine! Once we got to week 17 I could start to feel little flutters which is the baby starting to move around and over the last few weeks they have got considerably stronger and you can even see my tummy move when the baby kicks - what a fantastic feeling, never thought I would ever experience something as weird and wonderful as this.
Had a scan at 21 weeks and found out IT’S A BOY, Ian could not wipe the grin off his face (still can’t actually). All is well with the baby but at the moment I have a low lying placenta which basically means the afterbirth is completely blocking my cervix (baby’s exit) so are hoping it moves so I can have a natural birth!
On Thursday 24th January (23 weeks) was just getting ready to go out to dinner and our worst nightmare hit I had a massive bleed, just out of nowhere started gushing out. I phoned the midwife who told me to phone the labour ward and I was told to come in, We only live about 10 – 15 minutes away from the hospital and the things that went through our heads in that space of time was amazing, though in the back of my mind I knew it couldn’t be that bad as I wasn’t in pain and could still feel him kicking. Once we got to hospital it was awful, we were both so scared we were put in a delivery room and could hear the ladies in all the other rooms having their babies, we didn’t know if we were losing our baby and had to listen to this going on! The staff were fantastic, so friendly, and quickly came and did a scan etc. to put our minds at rest. This did actually all happen very quickly although when you are there it seems a hell of a lot longer.
After a long sleepless night, in a delivery room until 3.30am when I was moved because they needed the room and taken to the ward with all screaming babies, I asked to go home the next day, which they reluctantly agreed (I had my scarf and coat on ready when the doctor arrived).
We are now 24 weeks and the baby is still kicking away which is so reassuring as we know he’s quite happy in there. We have been told to expect to be in and out of hospital until he’s born and not to go too far. I will have to have a caesarean as I have grade 4 placenta praevea which apparently only goes up to grade 4 and there is not much chance of it moving out the way to have a natural birth!(Don’t do things by halves do we!)
I’m not really bothered (too posh to push) just as long as we get to meet our little boy, we just can’t wait to have that first cuddle!
UPDATED 10TH APRIL 2008
Had another small bleed at 26 weeks but not enough to worry about (it stopped as quick as it started) and really didn’t want to go to hospital at 11.00 at night so phoned my midwife just to update her.
Went to the baby show at The Excel Centre in London on 1st March, I remember hearing it advertised on the radio the last few years and being really cheesed off and now finally we were going ourselves to get bits for our baby! We hadn’t bought a thing up until then so blitzed the lot as there were so many good deals, we bought a travel system, cot bed, play matt, sterilizing equipment etc. Just dreading the credit card bill now!
Its still weird seeing all these pregnant women and feeling a touch of resentment until you remind yourself that you’re pregnant too! Every time I catch my reflection in a window or mirror I have to go back and take another look as I still can’t believe it’s actually me – pregnant. I still don’t feel any different in myself apart from getting tired in the afternoons and having to have a ‘siesta’ which I love anyway (definitely should have been Spanish!)
At 32 weeks had another really big bleed, I wasn’t too worried as we know what it is now, until some large liver like clots came out and I thought ‘Blimey I needed that bit!’ So off to the hospital again, this time after all the usual checks and bloods taken a canular was inserted into my hand just in case I lost too much blood and I needed more put back in me, I was then quickly settled up on the ward! The bleeding had stopped again within an hour of arriving.
The next morning I was woken at 5.30 for a steroid injection in the top of my leg (Good Morning!) this matures the baby’s lungs just in case they would have to deliver early which was reassuring and the way they explained it was “Its like blowing up a balloon for the first time – it sticks together and is sometimes difficult, so the steroid helps the lungs to inflate easier.”
After a very long day the doctor came to see me on his rounds and said I needed the second injection at 5.30 the following morning (Oh great another night) He then proceeded to say that they wanted to keep me in for the remaining 6 weeks in case I had another bleed! Words cannot say how I felt at this point (and the language is too strong!)
So I half heartedly resigned myself until the next day, I woke up after another sleepless night listening to the lady next door to me in labour all night, I heard all the examinations including the internal ones a bit too clearly, and the baby opposite was screaming all night (Not really sure these injections to mature the lungs is a good idea if that’s what he might sound like).
Had another scan whilst there to see if the placenta has moved and surprise surprise no it hasn’t. I just sat there and cried, the thought of staying for 6 weeks I will go insane, or insaner so when the doctor came round again later that afternoon I asked to go home he said yes as long as I promise to rest, so I was out like a flash, that was a lot easier than I thought, you just can’t beat your own sofa!
I have to have a blood test done every 2 weeks now so the hospital can keep my blood stocked up – just in case as the blood expires after 2 weeks! I never realised how important it was to ‘give blood’ but I definitely will in future now, its one of those things we all take for granted and never think we will need!
That was just over 2 weeks ago and we are now 34 weeks and booked in for a caesarean on Friday 9th May – 4 weeks time (fingers crossed not before) his kicks are so strong it sometimes feels like that scene from Alien when he bursts out of her stomach! It can be really uncomfortable sometimes but at the same time it is so reassuring and amazing to watch. Ian has been an absolute star throughout, though a bit over protective at times but I wouldn’t have it any other way and I fully intend to make the most of it while it lasts!!!
